It always comes back to the older brother…

Ten years ago I read “The Return of the Prodigal Son” by Henri Nouwen. It changed my perspective on the grace of God and of our invitation to extend that grace to others. It seemed so profound to me that the Older brother needed grace too…he was the one who stayed, who did all the things he was supposed to do.

And yet he was empty…as broken as his younger brother and in need of the Father’s mercy.

I was wandering around one day trying to figure out how I could be more useful to God. How could I do this Christian life and ministry thing “right”… it suddenly dawned on me that I am still doing it…trying to be good enough. I’m hoping in the end that he’ll say, “Yes, that was enough.” And I’m missing the point…again. Shoot.

And then I stopped, and for about 20 minutes I rested in the fact that the Father has invited me in. I accepted his invitation, and I sat with him in grace. I realized in that moment that I will always be coming back to this place, and I will never be able to love Christ if I continue to hold on to this burden to “get it right.”

Oh but how I sometimes would like to experience what my younger brother experienced…what was it like out there in the world of no limits? No boundaries. But then he tells me about his journey home, and I grieve with him. I hope that together we can find a way to live in the Father’s house, learning from one another how to honour and love Him with everything in us.  That we will no longer run away or sulk out in the rain, but see His goodness, his kindness, his love.

Isn’t this the marriage of Obedience and Grace?