Waiting…

What have you been waiting for?

I used to get really agitated when I had to wait for someone who was late…then I learned to bring a book along and I no longer worry about it…what’s the difference? Now I don’t have to sit in the big empty void of time with nothing but my own self and my thoughts, which are usually fixated on my irritation that this person is late, to keep me occupied.

My mom waited 46 years for her mom to meet Jesus, which happened last November.

This lady I knew was prayed over every single day for years to be healed of cancer, and she eventually died.

I’ve waited with multiple friends as they’ve tried to have babies. Some have them now, others don’t.

I am waiting for lots of things, like a home that I can settle in to and unpack my boxes, and an ability to play guitar, and June, when I might know where I’ll be living for the next season of life, and for my permanent roommate…

But why? Why do we have to wait? And why don’t we always get what we want? What happens to us in the waiting time? I’ve been thinking about this lately, and it was brought up in a conversation with a friend. I have heard all the answers about “God wants to build character” and “we must learn patience” and blahty blahty blah…all true answers, but I don’t think they are the whole picture. I think that if we are able to really open to God in the waiting, we discover a piece of him that those who aren’t waiting don’t get to see. When we stop trying to fill the empty space and we surrender to God in our circumstances rather than resigning ourselves to them, we discover a Father who so desperately longs for us to turn our tear-stained, anger-ridden, blurry-eyed faces toward him so that we can see this compassion…this mercy…this intimacy that is in Him.  The thing is I can write all this and still not truly believe it in my heart.  Ouch.

In the moments when I am most desperate for help, for an answer, for a change in my circumstance, I don’t really care about character development. I care that there is a God who reaches through my chaos and places his hand on my back to reassure me that he hasn’t left. That He sees me. That he has not disregarded me. That I am in him. That I will again one day bear fruit.

Therefore the LORD longs to be gracious to you, And therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you. For the LORD is a God of justice; How blessed are all those who long for Him.

Isaiah 30:18

Memes part 2

Now, for the more serious, more bookish meme. (2nd part, tagged by Sarah)

1) One book that changed your life.

Definitely The Return of the Prodigal Son by Henri Nouwen. This was my first introduction to grace, to the possibility that it was available for the elder brother too, and it was the first time I realized that I really, honestly cannot achieve perfection by being “the good one.”  Tough and yet such a gentle lesson.

2) One book that you have read more than once.

Tuesday’s With Morrie by Mitch Albom.  The first time I read this, I was on a long, silent retreat, and Morrie had some words about fear that caused me to change what I did with fear when it arose.  Last year, I ran across a copy of it, and went searching for the quote…and ended up reading the whole book.  I love that as Morrie’s life unfolded to Mitch, Mitch was changed and found his own story…He was willing to challenge his own paradigm of relationship, and found a whole new capacity to love.

3) One book you would want on a desert island.

Hmmm…I don’t like this question, because truly, if I was on a desert island, I would probably go nuts and reading would not be on my list of things to do…maybe a how-to guide on sending rescue flares?

How about this one: On a Desert Island Survival Challenge…would teach me how to survive, and is kid-friendly…

Or maybe I’d want the memoirs of Julian of Norwich, who lived in solitude most of her life, or something like that.  Most likely not a book I’ve read, and I’d want one that articulates my heart rather than tells me how to do something.

(And of course the Bible!)

4) Two books that made you laugh.

The Sacred Diary of Adrian Plass Aged 37 ¾ .  A healthy dose of realism to what’s really going on under our Christian skin.  (This also goes on my currently reading list…thanks Mhairi!)

A Year in Provence by Peter Mayle.  I read this just before going to visit Provence, and was constantly chuckling…and when I got there, I understood.  Funny.

5) One book that made you cry.

An Ocean in Iowa by Peter Hedges.  I cried for the little lost souls of children, who seem to disappear within the conflict of adults. 

6) One book you wish you’d written.

Anne of Green Gables.  I soooo wanted to be that dramatic!  OK, so maybe I wanted to be Anne rather than write about her, but I’m not so sure…I wish I had that kind of stories in my head…

7) One book you wish had never been written.

Anything by Joel Osteen.  I really cannot endorse or condone anything that makes the Gospel into a self-help book.

Two books you are currently reading.

Red Moon Rising by Pete Grieg.  The story of the 24-7 prayer movement that’s sweeping around the world.  Inspires me to pray so much more!

The Time Traveller’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger…I’m actually only JUST starting this so don’t really have much to say about it.

9) One book you’ve been meaning to read.

No Man is an Island by Thomas Merton…I’ve read so many snippets of it, but haven’t actually read it yet…got to get this one out of storage first though!

There are a ton on my “I’ll read that next” list…

 Tagging:

Christine

Arthur

Scotty

Michal

Rob Yackley

 

Memes

(I had to look up what this means…)

Sarah tagged me for these last week. Having never been a literature buff or an honors student, it took me a little while to figure out what I was supposed to do with it…now I know…just follow the directions, dummy:-). (Yes, I know I’m not a dummy…only a figure of speech).

I’ll do the 1-2-3 meme first. The rules are as follows.

1) Pick up the nearest book (of at least 123 pages).
2) Open the book to page 123.
3) Find the fifth sentence.
4) Post the next three sentences.
5) Tag five people.

So, the closest “book” to me is my journal, which I immediately thought, “right…I’m going to tell you the 123rd page in the book of stuff you should not know about me yet…or ever…depending who you are…” but then, I decided to see what it actually said…carefully counting 123 pages, and then 5 sentences, I came to a list of things I wrote on the 4th of October that I needed to tell people…which I never told them…so, I am going to write them here…and if those people look at my blog, I hope they are blessed and encouraged…here it is (they’re more bullet points than sentences…is that ok?)

- David M: How I have grown in hearing and responding to the Holy Spirit due to my time at St. Silas.

- Tim: What I have appreciated about you and what I’m sorry to have missed…

- Jo and Isabel: How much of a role they played in my survival and growth this year.

Funny that. How you mean to tell people what they’ve meant to you, it gets buried in your journal or not even there, and you forget…and maybe they never know.

I’m guessing that it’s not really in the rules to use my journal, as I think the book is probably meant to be a published book…so here’s one that maybe fits the bill:

Lonely Planet’s New Zealand guide…page 123, sentences 5-7:

Return fares in the high season cost around A$200 more, while tickets valid for two months or longer are also more expensive. If you’re travelling from Australia to the US west coast via NZ, the high season varies but is generally during the northern hemisphere summer. Low-season fares start at around A$1400-2000 one-way/ return; high-season fares are more like A$2400 return…

riveting…I don’t know how to respond to such profundity.

tagging:

Nick

Bryan

Simon

Dad

**********

I’m going to do the other one another day…I think it might be a bit more interesting.

Be Still

And Know that I Am God…

I will be exalted among the nations

I will be exalted in all the earth!

Psalm 46:10

CRM Daily Lent Devotional

Click here to sign up for a daily reading through lent…written by various CRM folk from around the world…

I’ve gotten the first two days worth and it’s been helpful to remember all that led up to the resurrection we will celebrate in 40 days!

Sad life

So…I’m sitting here procrastinating, and I decided to see what happens if I google my name…I know…La-me…but don’t tell me you’ve never done it!

Here is what I found…I hope my memoirs will hold a bit more joy than this!

Sovereign Foundations

Just found this Christmas day post that never actually made it to the page…oops… it’s a bit random and wandering, and I probably was waiting for just the profound thought to top it off…and forgot…ah well…Merry Christmas:-).

It is good to be home today…there’s a lot of tradition I’ve missed out on the last few years…and some really cool things have happened since I last was here for a holiday.

My sister-in-law has taken over the cookie decorating extravaganza. Henry definitely is becoming a cookie artiste (we got to eat the ones that broke;-).

Grandma moved from Las Vegas to Washington this year, and met Jesus too. Now THAT is something to celebrate! It is so good to have her here with us.

And there’s a whole new one-year-old! She is absolutely precious and I can’t wait to see her grow! Our family now spans age 1 to 87.

Having all these generations together reminds me how important our “sovereign foundations” are. We were born into a specific family in a certain place for reasons that only God knows. But these people, these communities, have shaped us, for better or for worse, into the people we have become. And God doesn’t waste anything. The good, the bad and the ugly were all part of drawing us to himself.

There’s something important for me about holding on to small traditions, like drinking eggnog in front of the tree on Christmas eve and opening the same stockings every year, and having eggs and bacon for breakfast…that connects me to this teeny girl that I once was. You know? And somehow to Jesus too…he was real, not just this cute story. His family, had little traditions and idiosyncrasies, he probably had favorite moments… What were the things he remembered about being young? In a culture so steeped in tradition and storytelling I can’t imagine that he just lived in a vacuum until he was 30. How would he have told the story of his birth, or when he met the wisemen? What does he remember about all the escapes and near misses? Did Nazareth feel like home to him when he arrived? How did he celebrate his birthday?

How and when did he realize that he was God?

Momentous day

About 30 seconds ago, I paid my very last payment for my undergraduate university loan…what a great feeling…I’ve been chipping away this loan off-and-on (because I started and stopped university 3 times) since 1995!  All I can say is woo-stinking-hoo!

I’m going to have an extra slice of pie tonight:-).

Now to finish off those graduate school loans…

In honor of food…or just bacon

So, while I was in South Africa, it was brought to my attention that I really enjoy food…then I saw this great post on YouTube, and thought I could definitely relate to this guy…

South Africa

Way too tired to write…but here’s some pictures:-).