Waiting…

What have you been waiting for?

I used to get really agitated when I had to wait for someone who was late…then I learned to bring a book along and I no longer worry about it…what’s the difference? Now I don’t have to sit in the big empty void of time with nothing but my own self and my thoughts, which are usually fixated on my irritation that this person is late, to keep me occupied.

My mom waited 46 years for her mom to meet Jesus, which happened last November.

This lady I knew was prayed over every single day for years to be healed of cancer, and she eventually died.

I’ve waited with multiple friends as they’ve tried to have babies. Some have them now, others don’t.

I am waiting for lots of things, like a home that I can settle in to and unpack my boxes, and an ability to play guitar, and June, when I might know where I’ll be living for the next season of life, and for my permanent roommate…

But why? Why do we have to wait? And why don’t we always get what we want? What happens to us in the waiting time? I’ve been thinking about this lately, and it was brought up in a conversation with a friend. I have heard all the answers about “God wants to build character” and “we must learn patience” and blahty blahty blah…all true answers, but I don’t think they are the whole picture. I think that if we are able to really open to God in the waiting, we discover a piece of him that those who aren’t waiting don’t get to see. When we stop trying to fill the empty space and we surrender to God in our circumstances rather than resigning ourselves to them, we discover a Father who so desperately longs for us to turn our tear-stained, anger-ridden, blurry-eyed faces toward him so that we can see this compassion…this mercy…this intimacy that is in Him.  The thing is I can write all this and still not truly believe it in my heart.  Ouch.

In the moments when I am most desperate for help, for an answer, for a change in my circumstance, I don’t really care about character development. I care that there is a God who reaches through my chaos and places his hand on my back to reassure me that he hasn’t left. That He sees me. That he has not disregarded me. That I am in him. That I will again one day bear fruit.

Therefore the LORD longs to be gracious to you, And therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you. For the LORD is a God of justice; How blessed are all those who long for Him.

Isaiah 30:18

~ by jennyjack on 27 February, 2008.