I’ll Stand…

with arms high and heart abandoned

in awe of the one who gave it all

I’ll stand…

my soul Lord to you surrendered

All I am is yours…

What would it look like to live all of life like this, not just sing the song and put a pretty picture next to it?

I mean, seriously.  I really love sung worship, and am becoming more and more open to God in it…but what I really want is courage to live my life with my arms held high in worship and my heart abandoned to God Himself (metaphorically of course because they might get tired and/or look pointlessly silly!)…

(Thanks Krista for the pics from Cuzlean castle)

Wee moments to remember

Some highlights from yesterday:

Catching the underground. Partick has begun this fascinating renovation project, which involves one side of the station always being closed, and therefore on many occasions requiring an all out race for the train. I now experience the near daily ritual of coming down the escalator, seeing the sign on the other side flashing “OUTER APPROACHING,” release my dignity and run for all I’m worth down the platform, into the emergency exit, up the stairs, through the corridor, down the stairs, out the other side, usually to see the end of the train waving it’s bum at me…but this day…I made it! Ah the kind driver who gave me the knowing, pitiful look as I came to a stop and walked calmly onto the train. Psychologically this shouldn’t be a big deal, as the trains come about every 6 minutes…but somehow that doesn’t seem to matter at that moment when you know the driver saw you running and chose to just callously leave you behind! Ah the rejection!

FREE CONE DAY at Ben and Jerry’s! Ah the bliss of double fudge brownie! I am so glad that this day is international! It was worth every moment of the wait in the queue.

The thunderstorm. Now mind you, I left my flat yesterday in pure sunshine, and being the eternal optimist (as well as reflecting on the weather pattern the day before), I chose not to wear a jacket, or socks, and I wore these cute little flat shoes…so when Mike and I were having a meeting in the atrium at the Brel, and it began to rain…and rain…and rain, I realized I was not exactly appropriately dressed for the occasion. I chose to enjoy the experience, however, rather than think about how I’d get home…and it was so worth it! I love a good thunderstorm! The room we were sitting in was covered in plexiglass so you could see and hear everything. The best part was that we could predict every thunderclap by the HUGE spark that erupted from the wall socket above us seconds before each peel of thunder. Absolutely incredible…and then there was the hail!

So, there were definitely multiple seasons going on yesterday, and I re-learned the lesson to never leave the house without a jacket and an umbrella, no matter how warm it seems to be.

For this I am thankful

My friend Debbie has inspired me to start my own gratitude journal. Sometimes I forget that God has given us everything we need to fulfill the purpose for which he has created us. He is the “Father of Lights” and he delights in giving good gifts to his children! So…here’s the beginning of my list:

I am thankful today for:

1. This last weekend away with St. Silas church, which is so full of people who love God and each other

2. My flatmate, who seems to have been divinely appointed for this season

3. The events of the past 2 years, the good the bad and the ugly that have deepened my dependence on and confidence in God, as well as deepening friendships as we all are walking with each other!

4. My parents, who are committed to loving us kids even as we are all grown up and out of the house, and when we don’t seem to appreciate all they still do for us.

5. My guitar:-).

What are you thankful for?

What’s in your bag?

Right. So this actually feel a wee bit vulnerable…Megan tagged me for this “What’s in your bag (purse) game” and I thought, sure I’ll do this…but then I emptied out my ginormous bag and realized it is full of the most ridiculous things! How I used to make fun of my mom…I take it all back…sorry mom!

So what’s in the bag? Here’s an overview:

Wallet

Journal

Mittens (you never know when you need them!)

little kids tights (found them in my bag one day…have been meaning to return them…but don’t know who’s they are! Mysterious.)

Sewing kit

Watercolor pencils

Cinnamon Altoids

A couple of underground passes

A bunch of receipts

Face grease blotters (dang that sounds gross…they’re actually very helpful on a hot sunny day…which you also never know when this might happen)

pen

lipgloss

jump drive

hair bands

safety pins

girl stuff

a button (?)

ear bud pads for ipod

a wee card that a monk gave me a couple of years ago

I think that’s it! Time to clean out I guess…

Tagging:

Kristin

Sarah

Christine

Happy Birthday Jo!

Love you!

Rain…

When it rains it pours!

Just kidding…these are actually droplets from this fountain:

Luton

I have a new favorite London airport…LUTON!  What is so great about this airport?

Flights were exactly on time, even on easyjet!  We literally took off on the nose at the expected time.

Very easy access into the center of London…just an hour bus journey…cheap and easy to figure out. 

They had a Krispy Kreme donut stand…which made my day…I brought a dozen home to Glasgow, AND the girl at the counter gave me some very good news, that they are opening a factory in Buchanan Galleries in June! Yippeee!!

Waiting…

What have you been waiting for?

I used to get really agitated when I had to wait for someone who was late…then I learned to bring a book along and I no longer worry about it…what’s the difference? Now I don’t have to sit in the big empty void of time with nothing but my own self and my thoughts, which are usually fixated on my irritation that this person is late, to keep me occupied.

My mom waited 46 years for her mom to meet Jesus, which happened last November.

This lady I knew was prayed over every single day for years to be healed of cancer, and she eventually died.

I’ve waited with multiple friends as they’ve tried to have babies. Some have them now, others don’t.

I am waiting for lots of things, like a home that I can settle in to and unpack my boxes, and an ability to play guitar, and June, when I might know where I’ll be living for the next season of life, and for my permanent roommate…

But why? Why do we have to wait? And why don’t we always get what we want? What happens to us in the waiting time? I’ve been thinking about this lately, and it was brought up in a conversation with a friend. I have heard all the answers about “God wants to build character” and “we must learn patience” and blahty blahty blah…all true answers, but I don’t think they are the whole picture. I think that if we are able to really open to God in the waiting, we discover a piece of him that those who aren’t waiting don’t get to see. When we stop trying to fill the empty space and we surrender to God in our circumstances rather than resigning ourselves to them, we discover a Father who so desperately longs for us to turn our tear-stained, anger-ridden, blurry-eyed faces toward him so that we can see this compassion…this mercy…this intimacy that is in Him.  The thing is I can write all this and still not truly believe it in my heart.  Ouch.

In the moments when I am most desperate for help, for an answer, for a change in my circumstance, I don’t really care about character development. I care that there is a God who reaches through my chaos and places his hand on my back to reassure me that he hasn’t left. That He sees me. That he has not disregarded me. That I am in him. That I will again one day bear fruit.

Therefore the LORD longs to be gracious to you, And therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you. For the LORD is a God of justice; How blessed are all those who long for Him.

Isaiah 30:18

Memes part 2

Now, for the more serious, more bookish meme. (2nd part, tagged by Sarah)

1) One book that changed your life.

Definitely The Return of the Prodigal Son by Henri Nouwen. This was my first introduction to grace, to the possibility that it was available for the elder brother too, and it was the first time I realized that I really, honestly cannot achieve perfection by being “the good one.”  Tough and yet such a gentle lesson.

2) One book that you have read more than once.

Tuesday’s With Morrie by Mitch Albom.  The first time I read this, I was on a long, silent retreat, and Morrie had some words about fear that caused me to change what I did with fear when it arose.  Last year, I ran across a copy of it, and went searching for the quote…and ended up reading the whole book.  I love that as Morrie’s life unfolded to Mitch, Mitch was changed and found his own story…He was willing to challenge his own paradigm of relationship, and found a whole new capacity to love.

3) One book you would want on a desert island.

Hmmm…I don’t like this question, because truly, if I was on a desert island, I would probably go nuts and reading would not be on my list of things to do…maybe a how-to guide on sending rescue flares?

How about this one: On a Desert Island Survival Challenge…would teach me how to survive, and is kid-friendly…

Or maybe I’d want the memoirs of Julian of Norwich, who lived in solitude most of her life, or something like that.  Most likely not a book I’ve read, and I’d want one that articulates my heart rather than tells me how to do something.

(And of course the Bible!)

4) Two books that made you laugh.

The Sacred Diary of Adrian Plass Aged 37 ¾ .  A healthy dose of realism to what’s really going on under our Christian skin.  (This also goes on my currently reading list…thanks Mhairi!)

A Year in Provence by Peter Mayle.  I read this just before going to visit Provence, and was constantly chuckling…and when I got there, I understood.  Funny.

5) One book that made you cry.

An Ocean in Iowa by Peter Hedges.  I cried for the little lost souls of children, who seem to disappear within the conflict of adults. 

6) One book you wish you’d written.

Anne of Green Gables.  I soooo wanted to be that dramatic!  OK, so maybe I wanted to be Anne rather than write about her, but I’m not so sure…I wish I had that kind of stories in my head…

7) One book you wish had never been written.

Anything by Joel Osteen.  I really cannot endorse or condone anything that makes the Gospel into a self-help book.

Two books you are currently reading.

Red Moon Rising by Pete Grieg.  The story of the 24-7 prayer movement that’s sweeping around the world.  Inspires me to pray so much more!

The Time Traveller’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger…I’m actually only JUST starting this so don’t really have much to say about it.

9) One book you’ve been meaning to read.

No Man is an Island by Thomas Merton…I’ve read so many snippets of it, but haven’t actually read it yet…got to get this one out of storage first though!

There are a ton on my “I’ll read that next” list…

 Tagging:

Christine

Arthur

Scotty

Michal

Rob Yackley

 

Memes

(I had to look up what this means…)

Sarah tagged me for these last week. Having never been a literature buff or an honors student, it took me a little while to figure out what I was supposed to do with it…now I know…just follow the directions, dummy:-). (Yes, I know I’m not a dummy…only a figure of speech).

I’ll do the 1-2-3 meme first. The rules are as follows.

1) Pick up the nearest book (of at least 123 pages).
2) Open the book to page 123.
3) Find the fifth sentence.
4) Post the next three sentences.
5) Tag five people.

So, the closest “book” to me is my journal, which I immediately thought, “right…I’m going to tell you the 123rd page in the book of stuff you should not know about me yet…or ever…depending who you are…” but then, I decided to see what it actually said…carefully counting 123 pages, and then 5 sentences, I came to a list of things I wrote on the 4th of October that I needed to tell people…which I never told them…so, I am going to write them here…and if those people look at my blog, I hope they are blessed and encouraged…here it is (they’re more bullet points than sentences…is that ok?)

- David M: How I have grown in hearing and responding to the Holy Spirit due to my time at St. Silas.

- Tim: What I have appreciated about you and what I’m sorry to have missed…

- Jo and Isabel: How much of a role they played in my survival and growth this year.

Funny that. How you mean to tell people what they’ve meant to you, it gets buried in your journal or not even there, and you forget…and maybe they never know.

I’m guessing that it’s not really in the rules to use my journal, as I think the book is probably meant to be a published book…so here’s one that maybe fits the bill:

Lonely Planet’s New Zealand guide…page 123, sentences 5-7:

Return fares in the high season cost around A$200 more, while tickets valid for two months or longer are also more expensive. If you’re travelling from Australia to the US west coast via NZ, the high season varies but is generally during the northern hemisphere summer. Low-season fares start at around A$1400-2000 one-way/ return; high-season fares are more like A$2400 return…

riveting…I don’t know how to respond to such profundity.

tagging:

Nick

Bryan

Simon

Dad

**********

I’m going to do the other one another day…I think it might be a bit more interesting.